A Spoonful Of Comfort

When your child is diagnosed with autism, it is a crushing blow (sometimes the crushing blow comes from your child). Living with a child handicapped by autism is exhausting and stressful. We are under a lot of stress in the home. Then we are under a lot of pressure from professionals (and ourselves)  to try to find the treatments that will “cure” our child. In the 1970s, there were very few treatments and services for children with autism.

Some of us who have accepted the crushing blow of autism, now have to accept another crushing blow. Our child will not be “cured” because they do not respond to the treatments. Many parents have spent many thousands of dollars on treatments for their child that did not work. I did not spend as much as some but what I did try did not work. I must admit that I did not handle this fact very well. I became paralyzed by fear. I felt isolated and alone. At least now, parents can communicate with each other and get helpful  advice through the internet.

How do we accept this situation?  In his booklet, “Thought Conditioners”,  Dr.  Norman Vincent Peale said that if we can’t change the situation, we can change our attitude about the situation. The attitude about the situation is more important than the fact of the situation. “Could this be true?”, I asked myself. Could I change my attitude about autism? The answer was yes, but it took years. I tell the story of how it happened in my book “Inspired By Autism”.

Have you heard of acting “as if”?  When the situation is not what you want it to be, you act “as if” it is your desirable situation.   I had to act “as if ” I loved my son when I did not feel any love because he was being  hostile and aggressive to me and others.  Susan Taylor said in her book “Lessons In Living” that when people are being most unlovable is when they need love the most.  I had to pretend  to him that I was a loving mother so that he would feel loved. I’d heard the saying that you can “fake it until you make it”. Could I? I could and  I did.

My life with my son PJ has taught me that parents struggling with a child handicapped by autism need comfort and support. I tried to give comfort and support in “Inspired By Autism” by sharing my experiences and things that gave me comfort. Pervis and I started the PJ Foundation to give financial support to needy children with autism. I hope that you will give comfort or support to a friend or family member who is struggling with a child who is handicapped by autism.

Until next time; may you have Peace, Love, and Prosperity in your life.

Claudreen Jackson

I have been abused by autism, defeated by autism, depressed by autism, embarrassed by autism, exhausted by autism, overwhelmed by autism. I never thought I would get to the point where I would say that I am inspired by autism.  It only took 30 years. “Inspired By Autism” is the title of my book in which I tell the story of my life with PJ, our 35 year old son who is handicapped by autism.

I wrote the book because after 30 years, I wanted to have my say about autism. April is National Autism Month and I could not let the month pass without writing about autism. I did not write the book because we are a success story. PJ can’t read, write or talk and is still living at home with me. We are not a success story, but we have had some successes along the way, which is why we can still live together.

I’d always said that I would have to adjust to him because he could not adjust to me, but he has adjusted to  me in many ways. He is so much easier to live with, is no longer abusive and wants to help when he can. He attends a day program, so I have freedom during those hours to get out and about without him.

When PJ was born in 1975, the diagnosis of autism was extremely rare, 1 in 10,000. I had never heard of autism.  I would never have expected the diagnosis to increase as it has until now, 1 in 110 children are diagnosed with the condition. If you are the parent of a child with autism, I know what you are going through and you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are my Heroes.

I have been able to live with autism for 35 years because I’ve had a great support network. PJ’s brother and sisters, my parents and his father. I have been able to take breaks from the drama and trauma of autism when I needed to.  PJ goes to camp every year and I get respite so that I can take a yearly escape from autism.

My husband and I started the Pervis Jackson Jr Autism Foundation to help needy families who can not afford to send their children to camp or can’t afford to get other help that parents of children with autism need. I could not have done it without help. We say “A Spoonful Of Comfort” because a spoonful is the bare minimum of sustenance that we can offer anyone.

We all have “A Spoonful of Comfort”. If you have a friend or family member who is living with a person handicapped by autism, can you offer them a spoonful of comfort? Can you cook (or buy) dinner for them once or twice a month? Can you offer to sit with their child once or twice a month? Can you offer to take them to a park for a few hours when the weather is nice? It does not take much to give them a break and I am sure they could use one. I hope that you will at least consider this, especially during Autism Month.

Until the next time, may you have love, peace and prosperity in your life!

Claudreen Jackson

April is National Autism Month, so today’s entry is about the other Pervis Jackson, our son Pervis Jr (PJ) who is handicapped by autism. PJ was born in 1975 when cases of autism were extremely rare. The statistics then were one child in every 10,000 was diagnosed with autism. I had never heard of the condition, but just knew that we would find the right doctor or facility to help PJ.

The Spinners’ records were becoming hits and they were performing in and out of the country on a regular basis.  In 1976, they were the first black group to receive a star on the Walk of Fame in Hollywood. They were receiving Grammy Nominations along with other awards and honors.  Our dreams for my husband’s career were coming true.

Yet, in the middle of all the success, I was living a nightmare. I was going from doctor to doctor to doctor in a search for the one who had the answers for autism. There were no answers and PJ’s behavior had become aggressive, assaultive and unmanagable. I was at my wit’s end.

Parents of children with autism are under tremendous pressure to find the right services or professionals to help our child “recover”.  I tried and tried, but in the 1970s and 1980s there was not much help available.  Even now, with more services, every child diagnosed with autism will not “recover”.  Some of us parents who have accepted the crushing blow of autism have to accept another crushing blow that our child will not recover. Some of us have spent thousands and thousands of dollars only to find this out.

I have written about my experiences in my book “Inspired By Autism”. I was embarrassed by autism, exhausted by autism, defeated by autism, depressed by autism, overwhelmed by autism. I never thought  I would get to the point where I could say that I was “Inspired By Autism”. It took 25 years for that to happen.  I wrote the book because the perception is that if your child does not “recover” from autism that you will not love them. I want to dispel that myth for  parents of younger children with the diagnosis. You will still love them.

Since the diagnosis of autism has reached epidemic proportions, you may know someone who is struggling with a child who has autism. Now, one child in 11o is diagnosed with autism. If you have a friend or family member in the situation, can you offer them  “a spoonful of comfort”? Can you fix (or buy) dinner for the family one day a month? Can you offer to sit with the child for a few hours? You will then find out just what the family is up against.

I want to share a poem that I wrote in honor of PJ.  It is a “miracle” poem because it is one that I never thought I would write when I first started on this autism odyssey.

A Love So Pure

A love so pure that I am sure

It’s coming straight from God.

This kind of love comes down from above

and right into my heart.

Your smiling eyes were a big surprise

that I never thought I’d see.

Who knew that one day you

would be smiling down at me.

How could I guess that I’d be blessed

for taking care of you?

You’ve taught me a lot of things

about how love can be true.

I never thought the day would come

when you’d be teaching me.

But now I’m sure that when love is pure,

It’s unconditionally.

Until the next time: May the Love  of God enfold you!

Claudreen Jackson

My blog is titled “A Spoonful of Comfort” because a spoonful is the bare minimum of something you can give. I hope you will also share things that give you a little comfort.

Remembering Pervis Jackson

Today’s entry is in memory of my husband Pervis Jackson. Pervis was a member of the Spinners singing group, one of the original Motown groups. Pervis and I were married for 40 years, but were not always together. We are the parents of a son who is handicapped by autism, Pervis Jr., so even when we didn’t live together, we were together when it came to our son.

During our years of separation, I could always count on Pervis for financial or emotional help with Pervis Jr (PJ). I had to admit that he wasn’t ALL bad. Eventually, we got back together, but I had to forgive him first. I forgave him. He forgave me. I felt so much better! Forgiveness is a gift for the forgiver, also.

Getting back together was the right move for both of us. Pervis pushed, mentored and encouraged me as I was writing a book about our son, but did not live to see the final product. The book, “Inspired By Autism” came out a year after Pervis died.

Pervis planned to help needy children with disabilities and we wanted to start a fund for that purpose. The Pervis Jackson Jr Autism Foundation was established in his honor and the proceeds from the book will go into the foundation. Pervis was the foundation for the Foundation.

I hope that in Pervis’ honor (whether you knew of him or not) that you will forgive someone who has wronged you (even if they don’t ask)

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, Matthew 6:12.

If you are the one who needs forgiveness, why don’t you give someone  “A spoonful of comfort” by asking their forgiveness. You will feel better, whatever the answer. Can you forgive someone or ask for forgiveness?

Until next time: May the Presence of God watch over you. May the Power of God protect you. May the love of God enfold you.

Claudreen Jackson